By Julie Shippen
Knight Ridder Newspapers
(KRT)
This year, tell your valentine exactly how you feel using the language of flowers.
Calla lilies translate into "you are one hot babe!"
"I love you for your mind," say clematis.
Ferns: "I find you fascinating. Ply me with your magic."
And for that adorable freeloader in your life, well, nothing says "kiss me, you parasite!" like mistletoe.
Indeed, the passed-down-through-time meanings of flowers are surprisingly specific. And they work for any stage of romance, including that delicate first blossoming - or not - of love.
"I desire your affection," says jonquil. "Can you return my love?"
"I agree," answers straw, while grass "submits" and peach blossoms surrender with "I am your captive."
Not sure? Stall his advances with "bashful" cyclamen or a "flattered" orchid.
But if the answer is "no," then give snapdragons. And pennyroyal - "you had better go" - if need be.
Of course, the Valentine's Day favorite, roses, do express love, but only if the blooms are red. Otherwise, be careful: Yellow roses signify friendship or waning love, pink ones mean it's got to be secret, and white blandly suggests worthiness. And whatever you do, don't call your valentine an ingrate by dethorning the stems.
Apart from a few such sticky details, the emotions of love and affection have the largest vocabulary of flowers. And the choices are appropriately lovely:
_ Alstroemeria, azalea, baby's breath, forget-me-nots, pansies, water lilies, violets and some geraniums show various levels of devotion, admiration and interest.
_ Carnations, red mums, honeysuckle, ivy, fuchsia, ranunculas, passion flower, saffron and tulips signify everything from panting enthusiasm to love most pure. And stephanotis, always popular in bridal bouquets, attest to married bliss.
_ Camellias (white), dahlias, colored daisies, gardenia, hibiscus, hyacinth (white), stock, sunflowers (big) tell your valentine she's lovely, refined and elegant.
Even obsessed-by-love stalkers can say it with flowers, too: hollyhock (my love is consuming), Virginia creeper (I cling to you), Indian jasmine (I attach myself to you), lantana (I am unyielding), lupine (voraciousness), tiger lily (I dare you to love me) and a threatening touch of our state flower, California poppy (do not refuse me).
Oddly enough, flowers get more articulate as the relationship goes south.
"You're cheap," says a salad of endive and chicory.
"You're stupid," says horseshoe geranium.
Or, "you're old and not much to look at, but at least you're clean," offer a mixture of begonia, cattleya orchid and hyssop.
If crabbiness is a fault, hint at it with a vaseful of barberry and crabapple blossoms. Touches of currant will add that her nasty looks are killing you.
Then there's the dark side of love.
Is he a fat-headed, two-timing cad? Swat him on the head with larkspur, narcissus and Venus flytrap (flies optional).
Cold-hearted, or heartless, liars will get the point with stems of hydrangea and mock orange stabbed through a head of lettuce.
If jealousy is the issue, fire off an armful of adder's tongue, purple hyacinth, ice plant, daffodils or marigold. And when you're really steaming, warn her with peonies, oleanders, rhododendrons, St. John's wort or tuberose.
But if it's all-out war, declare it with an arrangement of armed-and-ready gladiolus, retaliatory Scotch thistle, treacherous bilberry, malevolent lobelia and hateful basil. (But not sweet basil; that sends good wishes.)
Heartbreak gets its share of entries in the horticultural dictionary, too. Dejected lovers can say so with mustard, lichen, dead leaves and, if seriously distraught, hemlock. To console them, friends should send encouraging red poppies, cranberry, lilac, scarlet geranium, goldenrod and snowdrop.
If the lonely are lucky, their lost loves will return with bouquets of reconciliatory mint, hazel and olive branches in hand.
So what if your valentine is into prickly succulents? That's fine. Cactus express warmth and grandeur.
Or herbs? Rosemary asks only to be remembered.
Does she like to sing in the shower? Oats say, "I love your music."
Meanwhile, there's the rest of us who want simply to say "be mine" on Valentine's Day. What to give? The flower is free, but be prepared to get down on your knees and work for even a single stem of four-leafed clover.
Source: USABride.
© 2003, Contra Costa Times (Walnut Creek, Calif.).
Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services.
